Kaoru's Struggle
by angstfan
Summary: Kaoru must face his brother, Hikaru, every day feeling a love towards his brother that couldn't be. What will happen when Hikaru finds out Kaoru's feelings?
1. Intro

**Disclaimer: THIS DOES NOT BELONG TO ME! No matter how much I hope... It is not going to happen unfortunately... Oh well, I hope you enjoy this story. This is my first so be nice please.**

**Warnings: This is an INTRO CHAPTER! It gives a look into Kaoru's mind and it is not that steamy... Give me a chance and it will get MUCH better later on but like I said, this chapter is slow. **

**Summery: ****Kaoru must face his brother, Hikaru, every day knowing that he feels something much worse for his brother than hate... and that is LOVE. A type of love that has no place in ****a**** family.**

**3****rd**** person P.O.V.-**

Hikaru stirred from his sleep noticing the bed dip as another body got up to leave. He quickly reached out to grab for his brother, whose back was turned towards him.. It was quite irregular for Kaoru to get up in the middle of the night and what kind of brother would he be if it didn't raise some suspicion in his mind.

"Kaoru, what's wrong?" Hikaru looks over at the clock that glows with the time 4:38 am. "It is most unlike you to get up in the middle of the night".

Kaoru turned slightly towards Hikaru but refused to meet his brothers' eyes. Kaoru seemed to be upset and the feeling was confirmed through the special bond the twins shared. However, even though they both knew that Kaoru was far from ok, he tried to lie anyway.

"Do not worry brother," Kaoru said "I am just going to the bathroom. I didn't mean to wake you... Go back to bed, you have a big... date... tomorrow. I will be right back."

If Hikaru noticed how Kaoru's voice broke slightly over the word "date" he said nothing of it. He was to busy mulling over the fact that Kaoru had LIED to him. They shared everything with each other since they were little, even their feelings.

Hikaru knew though, that recently they had been drifting slowly more apart and it killed him not knowing why. Hikaru figured that he would confront Kaoru about the space that was growing between them when Kaoru got out of the bathroom.

Hikaru yawned; the sheer size of their room was much more predominant when Kaoru was not next to him. He struggled to stay awake so he could have the heart to heart that the twins needed to have.

Hikaru had a bad feeling in the pit of his stomach. He drifted off to sleep feeling that something bad was going to happen between his twin and him, something that would change their relationship forever...

**Kaoru's P.O.V.-**

I awoke with a jolt and risked a quick glance over at our clock. 4:16 am... Great, it's way too early to start getting ready for the day, why am I up this early anyway? Oh yeah, the dream...

That dream felt more real than was comfortable for me. I knew my twin would never act that way towards me, not when he had his _precious Haruhi_... I know I have no right to complain about his feelings towards Haruhi but I can't help it.

We were great when we were in our own little world, Us and Them... But then Haruhi has to come and tear down those walls we built around us.

I look over at my twin who doesn't seem to have noticed my internal struggle. When we were younger and I woke up from a nightmare, I would always find Hikaru next to me and ready to comfort me.

Our bond was stronger back then... I don't think he's noticed the steady decrease in our bonds' strength over these last couple of months. Maybe he is in denial over that fact, but I can't overlook something like that. The bond between us is my life... I was never the outgoing one between the two of us, and I used that bond to make sure I was never alone because I knew that if I let Hikaru forget about it then Hikaru would leave me alone while he went out with others, completely forgetting about me.

Over the years the need for my brother to stay by my side finally got a name... Love. But this wasn't the type of love that brothers normally feel for each other, no this was much worse. This was _Lust_. There is a special place in hell for the likes of me. Lusting after my older brother like an animal in heat... It's disgusting but I can't do anything about it no matter how hard I try, and trust me, I've tried.

Just thinking about this is reminding me of my dream... Ugh! I chance a look over at my brother and can't belive how peaceful he looks. The moonlight is streaming through our window and lands on his face perfectly. The moonlight makes his pale face glow in an almost otherworldly way. He looked so happy in his sleep, there was no way I was going to disturb it. I begin to survey his face and notice all the small details of his face.

Hikaru's eyebrows are perfectly shaped and matches his hair color to a tee. For some reason mine are a slight shade darker but you can't really tell unless you are really close... or you're _Haruhi_... anyway. Even though his eyes are closed, I can still see those amber eyes piercing mine with an intensity my eyes will never know.

My eyes move farther and farther down his face until they rest upon his lips... Those perfect, plump lips that I've dreamed about kissing me more times than is appropriate.

They look even more red in the moonlight and I soon find myself leaning in just so I can get a quick taste of them for myself... closer... closer... and closer still until

A small grunt escapes those lips and I pull myself out of my sick fantasy. I look over my twin's shoulder at the clock that now reads 4:37. My entire body feels wound up with energy and... Oh my God! I got hard just thinking about _kissing_ my twin! I need to get up... NOW!

I slowly turn and sit up at the edge of my bed until I hear a sound that nearly stops my heart.

"Kaoru, whats wrong? It is most unlike you to get up in the middle of the night."

Even with our weakened bond, I know that he can still tell that I am far from ok while he is awake. I know I should just tell him what is wrong with me... but I don't want to loose my brother. So I keep my problems to myself and I proceed to lie through my teeth.

"Do not worry brother," I say "I am just going to the bathroom. I didn't mean to wake you... Go back to bed, you have a big... date... tomorrow. I will be right back."

Of course it is hard for me to acknowledge such a terrible thing but it is impossible for me to forget about it. After all, Hikaru took nearly a week to ask out Haruhi and of course I stood by his side as he struggled with his new emotions that he has towards the commoner.

I got up while Hikaru seemed lost in his own thoughts and made my way towards our bathroom. I knew he wouldn't be able to stay awake at such an early hour in the morning so I stayed in the bathroom and forcing my _little problem_ into submission. There was no way I was going to degrade my brother by wanking in our bathroom while he slept (hopefully) on the other side of the wall.

Luckily, by the time I had left the bathroom my brother was indeed asleep but now his brow was wrinkled in and a troubled look was on his face.

I slowly crawled into bed and got back under the covers. My brother instantly threw his arm over my body and a smile crept across his face.

Even though I was struggling with my feelings towards my brother, it was my struggle... I would never let anyone else carry this burden, _especially_ my brother! I succumbed to the darkness knowing that I would make my twin happy in any way possible... even if that included me leaving so Haruhi could take my place.


	2. The Date

**Disclaimer: I don't own these people no matter how much I want to...**

**Ok, so now that the intro is out of the way, the story should be much better :) I think I prefer to have the story in the p.o.v.'s of the lovely twins and not an outside source but I'm still not sure how long I'm gonna make this story but... we'll see**

**Anyway... on with the story**

**Kaoru's Struggle Ch. 2- The Date**

**Kaoru's P.O.V.-**

Ugh. That brother stealing Bitch. Now a days the only time I have my brother's undivided attention is when we are at the host club, and now I don't even get that. He's standing over by Haruhi right now... on the other side of the room.

Granted, the customers have not shown up yet, but we always used to sit in our area before the ladies showed up. If we went elsewhere in the club, we would always be together... maybe to bother Tamaki or annoy Kyouya... but always together.

I walked over to a window in the far corner of the room and sat on the window seat looking out over the other students. I was so lost in my brooding that I didn't even notice Hikaru walk up behind me!

"Kaoru, why are you all the way over here? I almost couldn't see you over here... all by yourself."

Hikaru seemed to be leaning in closer than I thought was necessary in this situation but as long as he is paying attention to me and no one else, then who am I to complain?

"Don't worry about me Hikaru, I was just thinking about your big date later with Haruhi."

It wasn't a lie. I was trying to come up with a way to get Hikaru to cancel his date and spend the day with me but I couldn't come up with anything...

"...but with you" I heard the end of Hikaru's sentence.

"What was that Hikaru? I was daydreaming and didn't hear what you said."

"I _said_ dear brother," his signature devilish smirk seemed to be plastered on his face, "that I don't really want to go on a date with Haruhi... but with you."

Now I _know_ that Hikaru is much to close and... Oh! Are those his beautiful lips on mine? They are just as soft as I thought they would be! The kiss was chaste, just lips, no tongue and it was the best kiss I have ever gotten in my life. Just as I started to return the kiss though, he pulled away with a slightly stunned expression on his face.

"I didn't think that you would return the kiss, we are brothers after all."

"I don't care!" I said as I pulled him down for the second kiss which was much rougher than the first. This one was teeth, tongues, and bruised lips. When Hikaru's tongue tried to gain entrance to my mouth, I couldn't let it in fast enough. We both knew that he was the dominant one in our relationship.

One of his hands wrapped around to hold onto the back of my neck while the other was slowly making it's way down my chest. One of his fingers brushed against my nipple and I couldn't hold back my moan as I tore our mouths apart to gasp for air.

Hikaru didn't seem bothered that our mouths were no longer connected because his warm mouth made its way down my neck and latched on, leaving a mark for the world to see.

My attention was diverted from his sinful mouth to the hand that now rested on my inner thigh... right next to my steadily hardening dick.

My mind went hazy when he grabbed my dick and began working it through my pants. We were both panting at this point. Me because of the delightful things Hikaru was doing to my body, and Hikaru because he loved the sounds I made.

Every pant, moan, and groan of mine seemed to turn Hikaru on more. Soon I couldn't take it anymore and I grabbed for the tent in his pants.

It never occured to me that we were doing this in a room, out in the open, with the rest of the host club in... but I couldn't bring myself to care.

"Oh _God_!... Ugh... Hikaru!" I was getting close, I could tell.

"Kaoru... Kaoru" Hikaru started moaning my name. "Kaoru... wake up"

_Wake up? Why would he be telling me to wake up at a time like this?_

"Kaoru, we need to get into position. The customers are coming in soon."

Hikaru shook me awake as my eyes began to adjust to the light streaming through the window and my brain caught up with what just happened.

My heart broke into thousands of little pieces as I realized that what had just happened was simply a dream.

_Of course Hikaru would never look at me that way... He has Haruhi... why would he need me?_

It was during my self loathing that I realized that Hikaru had already walked away and had taken a new spot next to Haruhi. We were supposed to be lying on the floor, facing each other... but he would much rather be closer to Haruhi than his own brother.

I could feel my eyes start to prickle as I fought back tears while gazing upon my brother and his new _favorite toy_. Hikaru would not be happy to know that's what I thought of Haruhi... but if I actually think of them as in a relationship... that would be the end of me.

I turned away from the scene before me to wipe my eyes. As I turned I could have sworn I saw violet eyes looking at me with concern... but when I turned back to see if I was right, the eyes were facing the door waiting for the customers to enter.

****Later that night- At the Hitachiin residence****

"What about this shirt Kaoru? I want something that says 'I want to be more than friends' without coming off as desperate. Also, I need to take into account that she is a commoner... I don't want to offend her with my superior clothes."

"..."

"Kaoru... what's wrong? What should I wear?

"..."

"Why are you always spacing out recently and you have not been your usual Hitachiin self recently. I'm worried about you."

_Oh, you're worried about me? Really? You have a funny way of showing it by making me help you pick out your _date_ clothes..._

"I'm fine Hikaru" _I just wish these clothes were for __our__ date and not Haruhi's date with you. _"You should wear the red button up, it matches your hair"

"Hikaru! That makes me look way too red! You know better than that! Maybe I'll go with the blue shirt..."

As I watch my brother rummage through his closet I can't help but feel envious of Haruhi _again_ for the 100th time today. I knew the red shirt would look terrible but I was hoping that Haruhi would think he looked so bad that they would never have a second date.

I knew deep down that would never work because Haruhi is not that shallow and could care less about appearances... I mean, come on! She dresses like a guy for Gods sake...

Anyway.

My eyes locked onto Hikaru's body. My mouth falls drops and a blush creeps over my face as he walked out our walk-in closet looking drop dead gorgeous. (Granted he always looks fantastic to me... I'm a little biased but that is besides the point)

Hikaru is wearing a tight, form fitting light green top that show off all of his sinewy muscles, and these black jeans that leave _nothing_ to the imagination! I can feel myself getting hard as my eyes slowly make their way down his body towards his...

_WOAH WOAH WOAH! I need to slow down that train of thought right now. And shut your mouth you idiot! You're drooling over your brother... your TWIN!_

I finally manage to tear my eyes away from Hikaru long enough to realize that he has been talking to me and I have not heard him... yet again.

"I'm sorry Hikaru, what were you saying?" I say trying to get that image of him out of my mind while fighting down the blush.

"I said don't wait up for me brother! I plan on this date ending well into the night." Hikaru looked so devilishly handsome for someone other than myself and it hurt... a lot more than it should have. And by the sound of it, Hikaru had some good... _plans_ with Haruhi.

"Goodnight Kaoru!" Hikaru yelled over his shoulder and before I could even reply he made his way out the door... out of our world and into another, one that didn't involve me at his side.

"Goodnight Hikaru" I whispered to no one in particular as I slowly climbed into bed.

I noticed that it was only 7 and I have yet to have dinner yet... but I didn't feel like eating alone. Mother was in Paris and Father was on one of his month long trips. I figured I would eat tomorrow as a cried myself to sleep over the loss of my one and only love...

_Hikaru_

**WOW! That was long but I couldn't stop myself from typing! I hope those of you reading this are enjoying it. That was also my first try at a smut scene so sorry if it sucked.**

**Tell me what you think! I wouldn't mind some pointers or even some suggestions as to where I should go with this story... Im not entirely sure where Im going with this yet but I think it will be good :D**


	3. After the date

**Disclaimer: Still doesn't belong to me... sad times these are...**

**Soooooo, I am watching the Yankee game and they're loosing. Loosing Yankees make me depressed and then I thought 'HEY! Kaoru is gonna be depressed too! Lets share our depression!' So thanks to the Yankees you are getting a chapter that was not originally going to come out today :) Anyway, on with the story.**

**Kaoru P.O.V.-**

BAM!

The door to our room closes with a loud thud. I glance over at the clock sitting next to my head. 12:48 am...

What the _hell_ was Hikaru doing with Haruhi until fucking 1 am?

"Kaoru! Kaoru! Guess what!" I could see the joy radiating from his eyes and I hadn't even lifted my head off of my pillow.

"_Hiiiiiiikaru..._ it's 1 in the morning. Couldn't this wait until a more reasonable hour?" I knew I was whining but I really didn't want to hear about his date with Haruhi. I wasn't that much of a masochist... was I?

"We kissed!"

I was...

"What do you mean 'you kissed'? It was only the first date! I thought people didn't kiss until... I don't know... the 3rd date!" I was desperate at this point... desperate to hear that he was only kidding and she hadn't stolen my twin's first kiss.

"Kaoru... don't be a prude. It was wonderful. We went to one of those commoner theaters to see a movie. The movie was terrible but Haruhi enjoyed it so I don't really care. And then we went to Enju because..."

"YOU TOOK HER TO ENJU?!" I didn't care that I was practically yelling this early in the morning... all of my tiredness was forgotten as soon as he said he took Haruhi to that kind of restaurant.

"Well duh! If she was going to take me to some commoner place for half of our date I was going to take her to a nice place for dinner. There was no way I would have won her over if we went to some _commoner_ restaurant. Come on Kaoru... you know I like her. I can't go cheap for Haruhi."

"She wouldn't mind if you went cheap. She would probably even prefer it. I bet she was really out of place at Enju..."

"That's not true. Ever since she joined the Host Club she has been taught how to act a such places. Anyway! After dinner she wanted to walk around some park by her house so we did. We ended up stopping at a bench and talking for hours! We have so much in common it's weird..."

I zone out after that last part... _'so much in common'_ my ass! We are _TWINS!_ You can't get more 'in common' than that!

I was so deep in my self loathing that I almost missed the end of this... great... story.

"And then, get this Kaoru, we are at her door and she _stalls_ going inside! I could tell with the way that she was fiddling with her house keys. So of course I gave Haruhi what she wanted... not that I was going to complain" Hikaru smirks as he gets lost in his thoughts. "And then, that kiss..."

_Oh God! I don't want to hear this._

"The kiss was magical. I swear I could see fireworks. I mean... take one look at Haruhi and what do you see... someone meek and mild mannered right? Wrong! When she wants something she _goes_ for it! I mean..."

"Hikaru! I don't want to hear anymore! I'm tired and I want to go to bed... If you insist on telling me this story then it can wait until a more reasonable time" I say as I turn over in our bed and face away from my brother.

I really didn't need to sound so short with him, but if he kept talking there would be no stopping the tears that are only threatening to spill out. I had to turn away or else he would be able to tell from my face that I was barely holding myself together.

"What the hell Kaoru?! What the fuck is up with you lately? I'm trying to tell you that Haruhi and I are dating and you can't even be happy for me! That's not how brothers are supposed to act toward each other, let alone twins as close as we are! You know... if you started dating someone I would be happy for you. Not moping like you appear to be doing."

"I am happy for you Hikaru" I lie through my teeth, "I really am, but I'm tired and it's late. I promise tomorrow I will be sufficiently happy for you and Haruhi, ok?"

I turn over signaling the end of the conversation and try to fall asleep. I hear Hikaru sigh at the abrupt end to our disagreement and head off towards the bathroom. As I toss and turn in our bed I knew that my night would be plagued by nightmares; either Haruhi would be kissing my twin... or I would.

**Hikaru P.O.V-**

_What the hell is up with Kaoru recently? I came home from the best night ever and he couldn't even pretend to be happy for me_...

I have to cool down after that small argument with Kaoru so I decide to take a shower before I go to bed. I shed my clothe off as I walk into the bathroom and turn on the water. When the temperature reaches a good point I step in and let the water slide down my hardened body.

I was never self-conscious growing up. I mean why would I be... I have great abs and even though I'm not the most jacked person in the world, I have some pretty muscular arms.

As I begin to wash myself, my mind wanders to the night I had with Haruhi and the fight with Kaoru that followed...

I thought he would be happy that our world was expanding outside the two of us. I was so sick of no one being able to tell us apart and then Haruhi came along. She barely knew us and yet here she is... telling us apart when no one else can, not even our parents.

It's actually all thanks to Kaoru that Haruhi and I fell in love. After that "date" when Kaoru was supposed to take her out and I was forced to step in, we kinda bonded. There was no way I could have that be our first date in our relationship so I had to take her out as _me _asking and not Kaoru.

I wasn't lying to Kaoru when I told him that kiss with Haruhi was fantastic. She is exactly what I'm looking for in a girlfriend. She is smart, surprisingly funny, and pretty once she actually puts an effort into her appearance.

I wrap up my shower, turn off the water, and put on my pajama bottoms. I've never been one to sleep with a shirt unlike Kaoru. Even though we go shirtless many times for the Club, I've noticed he hates being shirtless in only my presence.

_Especially recently..._

There is nothing wrong with Kaoru not wanting to flaunt himself when there is no one around... I shouldn't be worried. Right?

All this thinking is beginning to give me a headache. I crawl into bed and turn out the light next to my side of the bed.

_Hummm, if I'm dating Haruhi... should I get my own room?_ was the last thought I had before I closed my eyes and dream of Haruhi and I together.

**Oh my goodness! Poor Kaoru! Don't worry Kaoru, Hikaru will come around eventually... maybe... possibly... What's going to happen when Kaoru finds out Hikaru wants his own room? Will Kaoru find someone to love? Will Haruhi ruin everything that is good between the twins? Ahhhh... Im just kidding, but there will definitely be some angst in this story so be prepared.**

**I hope you guys are enjoying this story so far. I'm trying to get out as many chapters as I can before school starts... I gotta move in on Saturday sooooo TIME CRUNCH! AHHHH! BTW Enju is a real restaurant in Tokyo**

**Please R&R! The Hitachiin twins and I thank you for reading.**


	4. Problems

**Disclaimer- ... still waiting for the day that I own O.H.S.H.C. but it hasn't happened yet so this is all for fun.**

**Warning- This chapter is going to be a little on the RATED M side sooooo... if that isn't your cup of tea, then why are you reading this? Anyway, to the rest of you lovely people ENJOY!**

**So, I moved into college today which is why I wasn't able to post yesterday (you know, last minute packing and all) and I almost wasn't able to post this today because I couldn't access the WiFi or ANYTHING to get this chapter posted!**

**Anyway, without further ado, a chapter that has taken 2 days and copious amounts of caffeine to finally get it up and running!**

**Kaoru's P.O.V.-**

_One month... one month of dating and I'm already being thrown aside. Am I being punished for Loving my brother?_

I'm sitting in my room with only a few candles lit. The flames flicker slightly in their sad attempt to shed light onto the now empty void that _was _our room... I'm still not used to saying '_my'_ yet. Hikaru and I have always shared everything; clothes, food, toys, _beds_... but then _she_ came along and ruined everything.

It was about a week ago that Hikaru finally got up the nerve to tell me he was moving out of our... _my..._ room permanently. Honestly, I was offended that he thought I wouldn't notice what he was doing beforehand.

He would always wait to go to bed until I fell asleep because he would sneak off to a room across the hall to sleep. He has been slowly moving his clothes out as well. I watched as our room slowly lost all traces of my twin and I was left alone, in now what is _my room_, crying myself to sleep at the loss of Hikaru.

When Hikaru finally built up the courage to tell me he was moving out of our room, the fight that followed was one of the worse ones we have ever had.

**~FLASHBACK~**

"Well... Kaoru... You know that I'm dating Haruhi right? Well she... I mean _we_... feel it's a little inappropriate for brothers at our age to sleep in the same room, let alone the same bed" Hikaru stumbled over his next sentence "I mean... would you like to sleep in the same bed that you knew Haruhi and I were... d-doing things... you know, _things_ on before..."

I stood frozen at that last part, shock clearly shown on my face as he brought _that_ up.

I knew that they were dating but it's only been a month... _ONE MONTH and they are already_... I stop that last train of thought before I make myself sick.

"Kaoru... say something. I know this is a bit of a shock, but you really should have seen this coming" Hikaru beings to speak a bit more defensively, "You can't honestly tell me that if you ever got a girlfriend you would still want to share a bed with me!"

I chuckle a little at that last part. Unbeknownst to my twin, that thought never crossed my mind because I never imagined anyone else in my bed but him. Even if it couldn't be Hikaru, I certainly never would have had a _girlfriend_ in my bed.

At this point I was hoping he had run out of things to say, but apparently I was wrong...

"You have to understand my position Kaoru. Haruhi and I both have needs and I wouldn't feel right, as your older brother, knowing that I had sex on the same bed that you were sleeping on."

"Oh don't fucking lie to me Hikaru! We both knew that you were moving out of weeks now and you _dare _blame you moving out of our room on _Haruhi's needs._ You just want to get some ass from that filthy _whore _of yours."

As soon as those words left my mouth, I knew I fucked up.

"WHAT THE HELL!?" Anger was pouring out of every cell in Hikaru's body and his hands were clenched at his sides, his whole shaking slightly. "Where the FUCK do you get off calling Haruhi a whore!?"

"Hikaru, wait... I didn't mean it..."

"Like hell you 'didn't mean it'! You know I love her, and you still think you can get away with calling her names? I guess I'm happy that she told me to get my own room..."

_I knew she suggested it... that bitch._

"Because now I get to see you for what you really are, a terrible, shallow... Fucking WORSE EXCUSE OF A TWIN EVER!"

With those parting words, he slammed the door shut and my world descended into blackness.

**~END FLASHBACK~**

I was found an hour later on the floor of the room. Turns out that I had passed out from the connection between us severing almost completely... his harsh words having damaged so severally that I can only tell that Hikaru is alive and not his moods or feelings.

We hadn't spoken to each other since that day, not even in the club.

Kyouya is furious with us for costing the Club so much money. Tamaki is worried that his "family" is having a problem and can't work it out. Hunny and Mori simply sit off to the side but I can still tell that they too are worried about what is happening between the Hitachiin twins.

The only reaction I can't say I'm completely surprised about is Haruhi's. She grins every time she looks at me and latches onto my brother like a leech. She has every right to be happy too because she won the prize...

Hikaru's heart...

It would have been nice to have a chance at winning Hikaru's heart but I knew from the beginning that would never happen because...

THUD!

_What the hell was that?_

No sooner had the thought crossed my mind before Hikaru drunkenly fell into my room...

_Wait... drunk!? Shit._

"Kaaaaaaaaaoru! Kaaaaaaaaoru... Haruhi and I fought tonight so I drank lots and lots of al-al-alcohol in the limo" Hikaru complained as he stumbled over towards the bed.

Once Hikaru got close enough, he threw himself into my bed and began attempting to take off his _date clothes_ while lying down.

"Hikaru... Your room is across the hall now _remember?_ We don't sleep together anymore" A shiver runs up my spine and my cock stirs slightly from the mental images produced from my last sentence. "You need to get up and..." 

"We fought over yooooooooou Kaoruuuuuuuu! Hahaha, that rhymes!" He giggled at his joke while I just sat there stupidly with my face was contorted into a look of unfiltered shock.

_Why would they fight over me_?

I wasn't even aware of the fact that I had voiced my question until I heard Hikaru answer it.

"Because I don't like it when your mad at me..."

I can tell that the alcohol is beginning to make him tired when he languidly stretches out on my bed causing a small strip of skin to show right around his navel. My body immediately reacts to Hikaru's and my cock begins to stiffen at my brother's defensiveness.

Before I have time to react, however, Hikaru throws his arm over my chest and his legs try to intertwine with mine. I bite on my lip to stop the moan from escaping due the feeling of my loves' skin on mine.

I turn to tell Hikaru to move because he is crushing me when I notice something.

His face is right next to mine. All I need to do is close the small gap between our mouths and I would be kissing the object of my desire. Instead of doing what my body (and heart) desperately crave, I try to awaken Hikaru so he can leave and I can solve my..._ growing problem_ in solitude.

"Hikaru... wake up and go to your room. You know that..."

I lost all train of thought as he slowly opens his eyes and two amber orbs that match my own are staring at me. Our faces are still close, along with our bodies... I am almost afraid to breathe.

I move to slide away when... _OH!... Oh my God his tongue!_

Hikaru grabbed onto my retreating form and forced his mouth onto mine in a fierce kiss, sufficiently cutting me off from oxygen as his tongue demanded entrance. Needless to say, he didn't have to demand long.

He tasted like alcohol but with an underlying taste that was uniquely his.

I knew in the back of my mind that this was wrong because he was with Haruhi but all comprehensive thought flew out when Hikaru pushed me until I was flat on my back and began to grind his hardening cock onto my leg like a dog in heat.

I rip my lips away from Hikaru's and try to collect my thoughts. Hikaru didn't seem to notice that we were no longer kissing because his lips latched onto my neck and _OH GOD!_

Hikaru was placing warm, wet kisses in a line along my neck as one of his hands began to unbutton my pajama top. His fingers accidentality brush one of my nipples as an controllable moan rips itself out of me. Hikaru groans against my neck as his head slowly makes it's way down my body, passing over my stomach and hovering right over my clothed, yet throbbing erection.

My breathing hitched while he made quick work of my bottoms, lifting my legs up and pulling down my pajamas and underwear in one swift go. My eyes were screwed shut, but I still heard Hikaru's soft chuckle under his breath.

_Shit! He thinks I'm ugly! I'm small! He's never going to have sex with me now!_

"You're leaking... fuck that's hot!"

_Huh? _I look down and sure enough, small beads of pre cum are sliding down my cock. I shudder as his hot breath ghosts across my hardness.

I choke on my breath as Hikaru takes me into his mouth, his slick tongue dancing around the head before he swallows me down completely.

_If I didn't know any better, I would say he's done this before because no one can give head like this on the first try!_

My attention was brought back to Hikaru as he moaned around my cock, the vibration almost causing me to come on the spot... but I wanted, no, _needed_ to hold out. I wanted this moment to last forever.

This moment, where I am the center of my twins' world.

I notice Hikaru's movements become less fluid for a split second and I chance a look down.

Hikaru own erection was out of his pants and he was stroking himself with one hand while his other hand kneaded my inner thigh. My breaths became shorter as he began to suck me with more fervor.

I look down when I feel Hikaru smirk around my cock. Our eyes lock and I notice that his normally amber eyes are darkened with a lust I have never seen him have before while he looks at me through hooded eyes.

I was wondering why he had smirked when suddenly I felt a finger brush against the small opening right behind my balls.

That touch were my undoing as I threw my head back a yelled when my climax overcame my body.

"HIKARU!"

"KAORU!"

Of course, like the perfect twins we are, I knew that we had reached our climax together.

As Hikaru swallowed everything I was giving, his seed was coating his hand and the bed with its stickiness.

My breathing slowly calmed and sanity began to enter back into my mind...

_Fuck... I just... with... _

I risked a peak at my brother, hoping that he wasn't going to start freaking out in a minute. Turns out I had nothing to worry about... since he was passed out, drapped over the lower half of my body.

I wince as I try to peel Hikaru off of me. It was a lot harder than I thought it would be and I end up just dumping him off of me and he roughly rolls over to the other side of the bed, noticing that he doesn't even flinch at my manhandling...

_Fucking drunk..._

Some of his cum had made its way onto my pants so I am forced to change out of them. As I make my way out of the closet I consider sleeping anywhere but in my bed... Hikaru's room, the couch, hell... even the floor, because I shouldn't allow myself to be sucked into his warmth.

But I only end up mentally berating myself while I slowly crawl into bed with my drunken sibling, praying that tomorrow won't be as bad as I suspected it would be.

**Wholly shit this is a looooong chapter! I wasn't originally planning on it being this long but the words kept coming so I just kept writing. I hope you all enjoyed this chapter but I have to warn you all. School is starting in a few days and it is probably going to be longer breaks between chapters. I have some down time now so I'll get started on the next chapter right away. Anyway, thanks for sticking with this story so far!**


	5. Heartbreak

**Disclaimer- Still dont own O.H.S.H.C :'( This saddens me greatly.**

**Since the last chapter was really long, this one will probably be much shorter... BUT it will lead to an important development in the story. So get ready for some heavy angst and some more sad Kaoru. (He was getting a little too happy for my taste) :P**

**Hikaru's P.O.V.-**

I awoke with a feeling a warmth that I have not felt in such a long time, but I wasn't complaining... not when I felt complete for the first time in a while. I almost didn't want to open my eyes.

Sun is streaming through the window as I turn to look over at the clock when I suddenly realize that the feeling of warmth was a body wrapped around my chest.

_Kaoru? Why is he in my room?_

Suddenly I noticed that I wasn't in my room at all, but in Kaoru's instead. We were in _his _bed and those were _his _arms bringing me such a good feeling.

I try to remember last nights events, attempting to figure out why we were in this situation in the first place.

_There was a date with Haruhi, my head wasn't into the date because Kaoru and I were fighting... there was the fight that followed... the bar... and then..._

_SHIT!_

**Kaoru's P.O.V.-**

I immediately realize that there is no one lying next to me before I even open my eyes... I know this won't end well.

I crack my eyes open and notice Hikaru is sitting at the edge of the bed as far from me as possible, hunched over with his hands holding his face. I wanted to hold him and get rid of all the worry that was plaguing his mind... of course, I couldn't do it after what had happened between us last night. I never thought that one day it would be awkward to just hug my brother...

"Hikaru" I call out softly... almost a whisper.

He tensed immediately. I wanted to see his face so badly because I could always tell what he was thinking by looking into his eyes... not being able to tell what he is thinking is a problem for me I've never had to face before. Our bond no longer tells us what the other is feeling.

Finally Hikaru turns around and faces me, his eyes shine with unshed tears.

_Oh god he remembers..._ I was hoping he was too drunk to be able to recall last nights events, that way I could feign ignorance and we could go back to being brothers.

"Kaoru," he says in such a low manner that I strain to hear him "I am so sorry that I did that to you last night! I... I was drunk and... and I didn't know any better! I swear it will never happen again."

I ignore that last part and try to get him to open up.

"Hikaru, why did you get so drunk last night? I thought you were on a date with Haruhi and I doubt she found drunk you a fun person to be around."

"We were fighting..."

There was a long pause when I thought he wouldn't tell me about what they were fighting about. I doubt he remembers that he told me last night what the topic of their argument was.

"We were fighting about you."

_I guess I was wrong_

"You mentioned that last night... why were you fighting about me?"

"I hadn't spoken to you in a _week_ Kaoru! We are twins for gods sake and we hadn't said two words to each other since our fight and it was _killing me_ on the inside. I was moping and couldn't stop thinking about you. Haruhi could tell that I wasn't into our date and she asked what was wrong with me."

I know it's wrong of me but I couldn't help the flutter that went through my stomach when Hikaru said he couldn't stop thinking about me.

"Haruhi and I started arguing after I told her I was worried about you... She said that you take up too much of my time and that we are old enough to stop depending on each other like we do. I got angry and said that we were twins and were allowed to be close to each other. Apparently that wasn't the response she wanted so she walked out on our date. I was annoyed at Haruhi and at also a you, and the situation between us, that I just walked into the closest bar and started drinking."

I was stunned that Hikaru was upset enough over a few disagreements that he would go out and get as drunk as he did.

"And after I made my way back to the house... I honestly don't know why I came in here. I mean... I was standing outside my door ready to go in and I just didn't want to be alone. I looked over at your closed door and was _angered _by the fact it was shut and we were on different sides of it. I felt like we were not close anymore and I wanted to be close to you again. When I got into your room... I didn't plan on... well... I didn't plan on _that _happening."

A blush starts creeping up his face much like I imagined my face looked when he brought up what happened.

"I just wanted to be close to you again but I fucked up because I was drunk. I just want you to know that _that_ had only happened because I was upset that Haruhi and I fought and I was kinda horny. I never would touch you like that if I was sober."

"Hikaru... it's ok..."

"NO IT"S NOT!" He shouted as he interrupted me, "It's not ok because we are both guys... we're twins too for fucks sake. It's wrong and immoral... and... and... It's just sick!"

My heart shattered during his rant. My eyes started to tear and heavy sobs were threatening to escape.

_Wrong... immoral... sick. I knew he would never be ok with what I am._

I decided that Hikaru needed to know how much he was hurting me. I was going to tell him everything no matter how much his response would hurt me.

"Hikaru. I... I need to tell you something... and you are going to hate me for it."

"Kaoru, what could you possibly say right now that would make me hate you?"

"I'm..." I pause to swallow the bile that is ready to come up any minute.

"I'm gay Hikaru... and... and I love you..."

I hear Hikaru's unsteady intake of breath as my words sink in. Now the tears are freely streaming down my cheeks as I await his judgment.

"Tell me you're lying..." he says slightly panicked, jumping up from the bed to glare at me. "TELL ME YOU'RE LYING KAORU!"

"I'm not lying Hikaru. I prefer men and I love you! I'm sorry that you don't like this but"

"It'sick..." His words cut through me like a knife. "I can't believe someone like you is in related to me. Don't talk to me... don't come near Haruhi and I, and if I find out you told her what happened between us... I'll kill you."

He made a quick dash for the door but it didn't stop me from hearing his parting words...

"You are no brother of mine... pervert"

My sobs were drowned out by the slamming of my door. I curled up in a ball and cried til I wasn't able to cry anymore. What seemed like hours later, but was really only a few minutes, I managed to drag myself out of bed.

I made my way into the bathroom and almost began to cry again at the sight of my face. Tear tracks down the side of my face, and puffy, red cheeks. But what scared me the most was my eyes.

My eyes, normally so full of emotion, just looked cold, listless, and empty...

_Just like me_...

**I just want to say, WOW this is a cheerful story isn't it! *sarcasm btw* But dont worry, Kaoru will start getting happier.**

**I want to thank those of you who are following my story and I want to thank akirak for reviewing it! I hope you are all enjoying it so far. I have no idea how long this story is going to be or how long it will take to finish it. Like I said before, Im trying to get as much done before school start. I'll try to have another chapter up today or tomorrow.**


	6. Things are Looking Up

**Disclaimer- Nope... not mine**

**Ok, so because Akirak asked so nicely I am going to let Kaoru be ACTUALLY happy in this chapter! Weird I know right?! Anyway, this chapter is going to introduce someone new who is not part of the series but she is very important!**

**I am dedicating this chapter to my best fan Akirak and I hope you enjoy it! It will probably be shorter than my other chapters, but if the words come I will continue to make the chapter grow.**

**Kaoru's P.O.V.-**

Tensions were high in the club for the next few days due to my brother no longer talking to me. I wish we could go back to the time when he was simply ignoring me, because now he is simply avoiding me completely.

Kyouya had to separate us because Hikaru refused to do the act anymore and our clientele was suffering. I could tell that Hikaru never told Haruhi because she hasn't tried to kill me yet.

It is definitely harder to get customers when we can't do our act but girls still find us attractive so we get still have enough people where Kyouya wont try anything.

I have to say that Tamaki has been spectacular during this hell I am currently living in. He has tried to make me laugh and I must admit it was _very _annoying in the beginning. But he is just showing me that someone cares about how _I _am doing so after a while he managed to wear me down.

I have been spending a lot of club time with Tamaki now but I'm afraid of what's happening... I think I'm starting to like him. Don't get me wrong, I still love Hikaru with every fiber of my being... but I can't keep waiting for something that is never going to happen.

I mean, I have to admit that Tamaki is _hot_! His hair is soft, golden, and seems to make a halo around his head when the light hits it just right. His eyes are violet and just seem to draw you into their...

"Kaoru, are you ok? You seem to be spacing out a lot... and sighing much more than usual. Is it because of Hikaru?" a quiet voice asked me.

I looked up and saw my regular, Rima, looking at me with real concern in her eyes. The only other time I had seen that look is in Tamaki's eyes. She is the only regular scheduled for this time and we are at a table on the far side of the room... far side as far as Hikaru is concerned.

I instantly feel bad for ignoring her because she is one of my favorite customers. She doesn't treat me like an object that is ment to be marveled, but as a human being and a friend.

If someone were to ask me my feelings towards Rima, I would say that she is my only friend outside of the club. I don't have to spend our time together trying to woo her, but instead we have intellectual conversations that make my day so much better. We challenge each other mentally. I have a lot of fun when she shows up.

"I'm fine Rima, I didn't mean to worry you."

"Don't lie to me Kaoru. I know you are still pinning over Hikaru."

Oh yeah... I forgot to mention she knows my feelings towards my twin.

"Rima, these feelings are not just something I can get over in a week! I have loved him for years and he just shot me down! I was destroyed by his scathing comments... I told you what happened..." I finish softly.

"Kaoru, hun... you need to open your eyes and look around you. Hikaru is never going to accept your feelings and there is someone who will. Don't get me wrong, I think you and Hikaru look cute together... but there is someone else who is more willing to accept any feelings you have towards them."

My ears perk up at that last part.

"What do you mean Rima? You know I'm gay right? I can't return your feelings."

"Not my feelings you idiot! God, you're my friend... no, I mean Tamaki's feelings."

_What?!_

"You're mistaken... there is no way Tamaki likes me like that" I say but there is no conviction in my voice and my cheeks are most definitely pink at this new topic of ours.

"I see the way he looks at you. He likes you, you like him... _ask him out!_"

I glance over at Tamaki who is sitting fairly close, surrounded by all of his customers. He catches me looking and his face brightens considerably, eyes radiating a warmth and gentleness that I find almost... _loving?_

I look away before he catches me blushing but it is too late. He excuses himself from his customers for a moment and makes his way towards Rima and I in his normal, flamboyant fashion.

"I don't mean to be rude and interrupt Kaoru, but I was wondering if you would be willing to..." he stumbles a little over the next part "if you would be... willing to... doyouwanttogoonadatewithme?" His eyes stare at me with an intensity I have never seen in his eyes before, begging me to say yes.

"I told you so" Rima whispers at my side, low enough where only I could hear her.

I couldn't stop it if I tried. A laugh erupted from my chest, a real laugh with actual feeling behind it.

Tamaki looked mortified and began to turn to walk away. Before he could even take a step I made a grab for him to make him stop. What happened next was an electric shock that raced through my body when I had grabbed his hand. We locked eyes and I let go of him and turned away to hide my blush.

With my head turned from Tamaki I noticed something across the room.

Hikaru was openly glaring at the scene Tamaki had just made and was completely ignoring Haruhi.

I turn my way back to Tamaki, ignoring the butterflies that came from actually looking at Hikaru for the first time in a week.

"I would love to go on a date with you Tamaki."

His answering smile was enough to shut up the doubts in my head and simply enjoy the feeling of bliss that I haven't felt in a long time.

**Yaaaaay! Happy Kaoru! One more chapter done and still going strong! I know this is shorter than my others but oh well. I have a lot of inspiration for this story and I'm trying to get as much done as possible before I forget anything. Next chapter up soon!**


	7. A Differnet Kind of Date

**Disclaimer- I will definitely own this one day... just not today**

**Shout out to my favorite person in the world, Akirak! I hope you enjoy this next chapter, because it's about to get cliched up in here! Woo hoo! :D**

**Warning- There are some derogatory slurs in here about gays. I BY NO MEANS AGREE WITH THESE VIEWS, but it is important to the story. Personally I think people who cant accept gays can rot... but thats just me.**

**Also, as I was writing I realized that Hikaru didn't know that Kaoru has loved him for years so I went back and threw in Kaoru telling Hikaru that he did back in Ch 5. I kinda needed it for where my story was going. So for those of you that might have noticed the discrepancy, here is the fix! Any who, enjoy!**

**Kaoru's P.O.V.-**

Tamaki was due to pick me up at the mansion for our date later that night. He had told me after I accepted the date that I had to dress casually for tonight. The whether was nice, not too hot and not too cold, so I threw on a pair of cargo shorts and a black graphic tee.

Tamaki arrived around 8 and knocked on the door. I was so excited that I ran to answer the door before any of the servants could. Tamaki stood on the other side of the door looking fantastic in his casual clothes.

Tamaki was wearing shorts that hung low on his waist and a plain red t-shirt that hugged his body quite well.

My face turned scarlet when he reached down, grabbed my hand, and bent down to kiss the back of it.

"Are you ready for our date, mon amour? I hope you brought an apatite because..."

"That's disgusting... I can't believe you turned Tamaki into a fag Kaoru."

I was stunned to see Hikaru descending the stairs just then, eyes boring wholes into my hand intertwined with Tamaki's, and I was devastated that those were the first words he has said to me in a week.

"What the fuck is your problem Hikaru?" Tamaki jumped to my aid in a heartbeat, drawing me behind himself as to shield me from my brothers spiteful words. Even though Tamaki was yelling at my twin, Hikaru never once took his eyes off me.

"Tamaki, you don't need to defend that homo behind you. I know that he turned you gay and I can help you. Come out with me tonight, I'll get Haruhi to grab a friend and you can have a real date with _a girl_."

"Hikaru, you are a pig and I can't belive Haruhi puts up with you, I hope she dumps you on your ass honestly. Now if you will _excuse us_ we will be heading out on our date now" Tamaki turned towards me, putting out his arm for me to grab hold of, "ready mon amour?"

As Tamaki lead me out of the mansion, I risked one last look behind us.

Hikaru's eyes flashed with so many different emotions in that split second. Hurt, betrayal, anger, and...

_Jealousy?_

**Hikaru's P.O.V.-**

_That fucking bastard Tamaki! Where does he get off talking about Haruhi and I like that?! I was only looking out for him! Trying to distance him from my brother..._

I ran upstairs after Tamaki left with... _him_ and slammed the door to my room shut. I paced and paced for what seemed like hours but I couldn't get rid of this tensity in my body.

I knew that Kaoru was going on his _date_ tonight. Word had spread quickly throughout the club today that Tamaki had asked him out. I saw the way that Tamaki beamed when Kaoru said yes, it was sickening to be so excited over a date with a guy. And Kaoru just sat there blushing like some kind of _girl_... disgusting...

I was going downstairs to eat dinner when Tamaki showed up. Kaoru was waiting by the door for him to show up so he could be the one to answer the door. When Tamaki gave my brothers hand a kiss, white hot anger coursed through my veins for a brief moment. It almost felt like jealousy but that didn't make any sense so I pushed that feeling aside.

After tossing a few words Kaoru's way for the first time in a while, Tamaki had to jump in and play hero. I raked my eyes over Kaoru, who was now standing behind Tamaki, and noticed that the shirt he wore was a tad too tight and showed off his arms. He was also wearing the pants clung to his ass just so and...

_Where the Fuck did that come from? I just thought of Kaoru like he was hot or something..._

Just then my cell rang and I picked it up without looking.

"What?" I said a little too harshly.

"What do you mean 'WHAT'?" _Shit, Haruhi..._ "You were supposed to pick me up 15 minutes ago... Where are you?"

"I need to cancel tonight. I'm not feeling that well and I need to stay home tonight." I knew that if she found out I was lying I would be fucked... but I couldn't stand her presence tonight.

"Fine, but next time fucking call beforehand to cancel. You _are_ making this up to me... don't forget." With that final comment she hung up before I could respond.

"Fuck!" I yelled and threw my phone across the room.

I started pacing some more and my mind drifted back to Kaoru's date.

_I don't understand... he said he has loved me for years and yet he goes on a date with Tamaki. I thought if you have loved someone for that long, you wouldn't got a date with someone else after a week..._

Ok, I need to stop that last train of thought. My feelings have been so screwed up since Kaoru confessed last week. I need to confront him when he gets back tonight... he better not be out too late...

**Kaoru's P.O.V.-**

"Tamaki! When can I take this off?" I let Tamaki convince me to let him put a blindfold on me before we got out of the limo.

I have no idea where we are but it's quiet and no light is filtering through the blindfold. The ground feels unlevel beneath my feet and I am constantly tripping over things. I'm assuming that we are outside and... walking uphill if the steady incline is anything to go by.

"We are almost there... just a few more steps."

"But I'm getting tired Tamaki."

"Patience, mon amour" his warm breath ghosts over my ear and I can't suppress the shudder that racks through my body. I hope he didn't notice.

"Cold Kaoru?" He chuckles under his breath.

_He noticed._

Finally he brings us to a hault before I can complain anymore and takes off the blindfold. I gasp at the beautiful sight before me.

Tamaki has set up a small picnic for us on the top of a small cliff overlooking the city. He has a blanket laid out with a picnic basket and candles. It is the most intimate setting I could possibly think of.

Tamaki walks up behind me and wraps his arms around my waist. I freeze for a moment thinking that we were moving too fast, but then I look at the date he has set up for us and I lean into his embrace.

"Look up love" Tamaki says.

Before my eyes are the most stars I have ever seen in my life. The sky is full of stars as far as the eye can see.

Tamaki lets go and I turn around so I can tell him how wonderful this is, but before I can say anything Tamaki is holding a small box in my face.

"Willyoupleaseacceptthisgift?" He races out and I can't help but chuckle at how cute he is when he is blushing.

"Can you repeat that... and slower this time?"

"Will you please accept this small gift I bought for you?"

I take the box delicately and open the lid. My eyes begin to tear at the small diamond necklace in the shape of a dove.

"I... I love it Tamaki! Oh my God, thank you! It's... It's absolutely beautiful."

Tamaki takes the necklace and clasps it around my neck.

"Thank you for accepting the necklace. When I saw it, I knew I had to give it to you. Vos yeux briller comme des diamants et ils sont les plus belles choses que j'ai jamais vu*."

I am about to ask him what he said when he begins to lower his head towards mine. I knew what was coming... I knew I shouldn't lead him on when I still have these feelings for Hikaru. And it's because of that fact that I turned my head away before he could kiss me.

Tamaki looked at me with his eyes wide and hurt dancing across his features.

"If you don't like me, why would you accept the present?"

"It's not that I don't like you Tamaki, I really do but..."

"But your feelings for Hikaru are stopping you." It wasn't a question, but a statement.

"How... what... I mean... no, what are you..."

"Kaoru... stop. I knew about your feelings before I asked you out. I wanted to stop seeing you hurting. I wanted to be the one to pull you out of your depression. I want you... and I think you want me too, if only a little. I will take whatever you can give me."

Tamaki was so passionate during his speech that I couldn't believe this was the same frivolous guy that was King of the Host Club. He honestly wanted what was best for me. He would do anything for me and I decided right here that I would make myself fall in love with Tamaki no matter what.

"Kiss me Tamaki."

His eyes widened a fraction and a smile broke out across his face. This time when he leaned down, I would meet him in the middle.

One of his hands came up and cupped my face while the other wrapped around my waist, drawing me closer. My arms went around his neck and we just stayed there for a moment, taking each other in and just looking at the other person in our arms.

Finally, His head came down and I closed my eyes expecting an Earth shattering kiss. What I got was his lips brushing across mine, light as a feather. I moaned at the lack of a proper kiss but I kept my eyes shut.

He chuckled and then dove in again. This kiss was nothing like the first kiss. This was a battle for dominance. Even though I knew that he would win eventually, I still wantd to put up some kind of fight. I gasped when Tamaki started nibbling on my lower lip, which gave him the chance to thrust his tongue into my mouth.

It felt like he was trying to map out every corner in my mouth. His tongue twining around mine as he deepens the kiss further. I let out a muffled moan as his hand begins massaging my neck.

I have to pull back to get some oxygen into my lungs. I know that my cheeks are flushed and I'm short of breath, but Tamaki is much the same so I don't feel as self conscious. We stare at each other and I knew that if we kept kissing we would never stop, so I say the first thing that pops into my mind.

"Well then, I hope you have something that can cool me down..."

'_Cool me down'?! Am I so stupid I can't even form sentences? I want to slap myself... I want the Earth to up and swallow me... I want..._

"Well I don't know how much it will cool you down, but I have some lovely pasta salad you can try. I made it myself."

I could kiss Tamaki for not laughing at my awkwardness, but that wouldn't get us any father on our date so I opt to just take his hand as he leads me to the blanket. As I sit down, I look out over the city and notice the lights are reflecting off of Tamaki's hair giving him almost an angelic look.

_He might not be a real angel... but he is my personal one._

**Aaaaaaaaand cue cheesy closing line! YAAAAAY! Kaoru is happy and Hikaru is confused about his feelings! What could possibly go wrong!? Will Tamaki get the guy? Will Hikaru come to terms with his feelings? Will Mori actually say something in this story?! The suspense is killing me! I hope you guys are not getting too bord with my story. Keep reading please! And review if you can...**

**BTW- The french line that Tamaki says is something along the lines of: **

"**Your eyes shine like diamonds and they are the most beautiful things I have ever seen****"**

**At least that is the english I put into the translator and whatever came out is in the story above.**


	8. Hikaru's Struggle

**Disclaimer- I don't own this... I know sad right?**

**Sorry It took longer than normal to update... or maybe it didn't. Honestly, I'm not too sure. Anyway... WHO WANTS JEALOUS HIKARU?! Ooo! Ooo! I do I do! Its a grat feeling knowing that when you want something, it will happen :D Enjoy the newest chapter of **_**Kaoru's Struggle**_

**Kaoru's P.O.V.-**

I was in heaven on the way back from our date and I couldn't help but replay the date over and over in my head. Tamaki was funny, charming, and surprisingly intellectual. We spent a few hours up on that cliff with no one around, and the stars shinning down on us. We talked about everything and anything, books, tv shows, favorite classes...

Well, everything except my feelings for Hikaru.

I still couldn't believe that Tamaki knew that I liked my brother. I thought I was hiding it better but I can't change that now. I have to admit that I thought once or twice that the date might have been better if I was with Hikaru, but I shoved those thoughts aside as soon as they popped into my head.

We drove back to my mansion in comfortable silence after the date, holding hands the entire way home with a stupid grin plastered on my face.

As we pulled up to the door, Tamaki jumped out of the limo and rounded it fast enough that he opened my car door and held out his hand for me before I could react.

_He is such a gentleman!_

I grabbed his pre-offered hand and I hauld myself out of the limo. Of course my body chooses now to betray me, and I end up tripping over my feet quickly heading towards the hard ground. Thankfully, two strong arms stop my fall and pull me into a warm body.

"Be carful, mon amour. We don't want you hurting yourself now, do we?" Tamaki whispers into my ear as his warm breath seems to caress my face.

I look up and are met with two of the most beautiful eyes I have ever seen. We stand there for what seems like hours in each others arm until Tamaki slowly moves his face to mine. We were about to kiss when suddenly...

"KAROU! GET INSIDE NOW!"

To say that I'm shocked my brother is yelling at me to get inside is an understatement. Tamaki looks hesitant to let me go inside with Hikaru seemingly on a warpath, but I calm him down with a quick peck on the cheek and a final squeeze to his hands before I head inside to face my brother.

I am barely in the door before Hikaru begins to question me.

"Where the _hell _were you? It's 12:30 am!"

"What's it to you? It's not like you care what happens to me." I notice Hikaru has a light blush at that last comment. I make my way up the stairs and head towards my room while continuing this pointless argument with my twin.

"Mother likes it when we are home by midnight."

_That's bullshit... and I'm definitely gonna call him out on it._

"Don't pull that shit on me Hikaru, mother could care less if we came back late. She's not even home most of the time." Hikaru flushed even darker at that.

"Well, what were you doing out that late anyway? It's not safe for you..."

"_WHAT?! _What the fuck is wrong with you Hikaru... You don't talk to me for a week, you probably wouldn't have cared if I was lying dead in a ditch somewhere" He flinches at my harsh words, but I don't care and forge ahead anyway. "I was with Tamaki the whole time, and he would _die_ before he let anything bad happen to me. So I was _perfectly_ safe dear brother... no need to worry your pretty little head over me."

I couldn't believe the way my voice sounded during that confrontation... It was bitter and hard. I've never talked to my brother that way before, and from the shocked look on his face he wasn't expecting it either.

"Anyway, I have had a long day and I am tired. Good night." And with that parting comment, I slammed my door closed with Hikaru on the other side.

He stood outside my door for ten minutes after that. How do I know that? I saw his shadow through the bottom of my door. How did I see his shadow? I never moved away from the door because I was hoping he would knock...

It's sad but I was hoping he would try to fix the rift between us... because even though he's homophobic and hates my guts, he's still my brother. Even though I know he will never accept me, I want so badly to earn his love... I'll accept any feeling really as long as it's not this disgust that is thrown at me every day...

_I just want my brother back..._

**Hikaru's P.O.V.-**

_I've fucked up._

Do you know the feeling you get in your stomach... the one where it feels like it drops to the floor? I felt that when Kaoru shut the door on my face.

I've been standing here outside Kaoru's room for... I don't know how long... trying to find the courage to knock on his door, and just talk to him rationally. I should have told him what I was thinking when he told me he was gay, when Tamaki came to pick him up... when he was dropped off...

**~FLASHBACK~**

I was looking out the window and saw the whole scene. Kaoru looked... happy. They were in one of those embraces that seemed to come straight from our act.

_Old act I should say... since you've been avoiding him at the club as well as home._

That weird feeling in my stomach when I saw their embrace was just like the one when Tamaki came and picked up Kaoru. Next thing I know, I'm at the door yelling for Kaoru to get inside before I can even think about how stupid of an idea this is.

I knew I was in trouble when I brought up mom, but I was desperate to make it seem like I wasn't the one who cares since I am supposed to hate him. Then he calls my bluff and all I could think was 'shit'. I feel like an idiot for trying to pull the parent card. We both know our parents are absent from our lives.

It was that last tone he used though- that cold, harsh tone- that made me realize I had pushed my brother too far away. He had never used that tone with me before, and I found out quickly that I didn't like it. This tone makes the hair on the back of my neck stand up and my stomach to clench tightly...almost like I am going to be sick.

Before I can even respond, Kaoru has shut the door on my face, effectively cutting off my next defence.

**~END FLASHBACK~**

So here I am... however long later, wishing I wasn't I wimp.

I finally turn to walk towards my room and change in the dark. As I climb into bed, I reflect on these new feelings I have. It's too late to tell Kaoru these feelings, but at least I can be honest with myself.

I'm jealous. I'm jealous that Tamaki is taking my brother from me.

_He can't take what was never yours... You rejected him remember. You could have had him all to yourself and you fucked it up._

Great... now even the voices in my head are against me.

I huff and turn over, wishing I had fixed things with Kaoru before I tried to go to bed tonight. I could never sleep well knowing that Kaoru was upset at me and my sleep was suffering greatly over the last week.

I had already admitted to myself that I was jealous that Tamaki was taking my twin from me... what else could I possibly want from Kaoru?

_A lover..._

**OMG OMG OMG! I am sooooooo sorry! First I forgot that classes started today (don't worry, I wasn't late :D ) And by then my muse had left me and this chapter came out like shit... I apologize for the shit I have posted today but I promised you guys that I would get out chapters fast and I already didn't update for like... 2 DAYS! So anyway, I promise the next chapter will be better. Hang in there, but since college started I am going to have less time so I am apologizing preemptively.**


	9. Feelings

**Disclaimer: I don't own Ouran... 'Tis sad**

**Oh my God. Classes suck, buses suck, my car sucks, job doesn't suck but isn't great either... I couldn't write last night because Football started last night and I wouldn't be in my right mind if I focused on anything else but that (I've been waiting since June for football to start) GO GIANTS btw! Anyway, I think this chapter is going to be shorter just because its a transition to the next conflict my boys will be facing.**

**Enjoy and Review please! (Yes, I am a review whore)**

**Hikaru's P.O.V.-**

I'm glaring.

I know I'm glaring and I can't help it, they just _keep touching_. It's not sensual touching by any means, just casual, innocent touches.

And it irritates the Hell out of me.

Slightly grazing _his_ arm with a hand. A hand at the small of _his_ back. And worst is when he leans in and whispers quietly into _his_ ear.

And Kaoru never tells Tamaki to stop... oh no. Instead he leans into those touches, laughs at the sweet nothings whispered in his ear. That used to be _me _doing those things to him... but I guess I lost that right when I ruined our bond.

Tamaki and Kaoru take customers together sometimes and I can't make this... this jealous feeling go away. I guess this is what Kaoru was feeling when I started taking customers with Haruhi.

When word got out that Haruhi and I were dating, girls couldn't get enough of us as a couple so they would request the both of us together. Kyouya was ok with that since it got us more money. But now... now that Tamaki and Kaoru are dating, they wont shut up about 'how cute of a couple they make'.

And that is why I'm glaring right now.

One of Kaoru's regulars- Mima... Lina... something like that- has requested both of them today and Kaoru can't stop looking _happy, _like he doesn't need me anymore to make him smile. I can't take the jealousy anymore and I get up to go talk to Kaoru.

"Where do you think you're going?" a voice cuts me out of my thoughts.

"Bathroom Haruhi, I'll be right back" I don't even glance down as I keep my eyes firmly locked onto my brother.

"Fine, but you better make it quick _dear_" sarcasm is dripping from her voice, "we have guests don't forget."

I don't even bother to respond- or to pretend to go to the bathroom for that matter- I just head straight over to Kaoru.

"Kaoru, can I see you for a minute?"

"Hikaru... can't you see I'm..."

"Now! I mean... please? It's important."

"Ok, fine. I'll be back in a second Rima."

_Right, Rima. I forgot her name._

Kaoru gives Tamaki a kiss on the cheek and begins to walk to a secluded corner of the room. I wince slightly at the kiss that Kaoru gives Tamaki and the shock of how much I screwed up hits me like a ton of bricks. I'm disturbed by the image of Kaoru kissing my cheek that pops into my head.

Not by_ that _image per say... but the fact that the scene changes slightly he goes from my cheek to my neck and he begins to kiss and suck on it, leaving me moaning, panting and reaching for him. Wanting more, wanting him, wanting...

"Well Hikaru? You got me over here... now what do you want?"

I can't think of anything to say as I try to collect my thoughts and get that image of Kaoru out of my mind... that image of him compliant and panting under my expert fingers and...

_What the HELL is wrong with me?! I can't stop thinking about Kaoru in a... more than brotherly way! I need to just ask him what I wanted to ask him and get back to Haruhi, back to normalcy._

He is looking at me with slight distain in his eyes and I've never seen him look at me like that. I feel a minor blush creep up my face as I finally get the nerve to talk to my estranged twin.

"That guest of yours requested the both of you today... why?"

The look Kaoru gives me is one of shock and confusion. I don't blame him either... I sounded like an idiot even to myself.

"Why do you care? You know what, don't answer that. I'll humor you because it will get me out of here faster and I can get back to Tamaki and Rima. Rima is a good friend, maybe even my only friend, and I want her approval of who I am dating. I know it's dumb because I know she already likes him, but I think it's important for people I care about to hang out with my friends. Now, if you are quite done asking me stupid questions I must head back now."

And with that, Kaoru turned and walked away, leaving me with an empty feeling in the pit of my stomach as I walked back to Haruhi with only one thought on my mind.

_How much does he care about Tamaki?_

**Kaoru's P.O.V.-**

I make my way back to my section and sit down next to Tamaki, with Rima and him chatting away amicably. It makes me happy that they get along so well, I hadn't lied to Hikaru about that.

Thinking about Hikaru makes me steal a quick glance to where Haruhi and him now sit together to take guests. Hikaru was slowly making his way back with a look of... loneliness? Loss? Those feelings don't look good on my brother, and I want go over and hug him just so he stops looking so dejected... but I can't. He would probably hit me if I went anywhere near him.

He looks up then and our eyes meet for a split second and the look that Hikaru gives me almost knocks me off my feet.

_Longing_

I shudder and tare my eyes away before my delusional mind can mess with my emotions anymore. I look over at Haruhi and there is no mistaking the anger that is radiating off her towards my twin.

I finally realize that Tamaki was speaking to me and I turn so I can focus on what he is saying to me.

"I'm sorry Tamaki. Can you repeat that?"

"I have another guest asking for me so I must leave mon amour. Would you like to come over later? After the club that is?"

"I would love to! I will talk to you later, ok?"

With that, Tamaki gives me a quick kiss on the lips and walks off to greet his guest. Of course all eyes were in us as he kissed me a chorus of fan girls began to scream when he did. I did notice that Hikaru looked like he was going to be sick, but that was probably because he hates everything about me now.

_Then why is he acting so protective of you? Why is he so concerned about you both being requested?_

I push those thoughts aside as Rima begins to talk to me.

"So...What did Hikaru want with you? He came back looking pretty beaten down if you ask me. You must have put him in his place."

"I... uh... I told him that... that I care about Tamaki..."

"That's it? You told him that you care about... ooooooh! I get it now."

"Get what? Rima! Tell me what you get!"

"Don't you see Kaoru? He's _jealous!_ He looked hurt when he came back because you told him you like someone _else_! You told me that when you came back from your date Hikaru was being totally weird. It's because he realized his feelings for you and is being really possessive."

I couldn't wrap my mind around what she was saying. Hikaru _loves _me? Loves me like I love him? It doesn't work like that! He can't just start liking me just because I told him I liked him and I'm dating someone else because _he_ said no!

But still...

This is what I've wanted right? I wanted Hikaru to love me. I wanted to be the center of his world and now that I apparently have it, I don't know what to do with it.

"Rima. I still love Hikaru, that is never going to change... but I don't want to hurt Tamaki's feelings. I know he likes me and I am starting to really like him."

"Well then... what are you gonna do?"

**Ooooooh! I'm so mean with the cliffhanger leaving you all guessing who Kaoru is gonna choose. I guess I don't know how to write chapters under 1000 words no matter how hard I try. I think this chapter is better than the last one but honestly... I'm still not 100% pleased with it but whatever, I needed to get out a new chapter.**

**BTW! GUESS WHAT GUYS! I HAVE OVER 1000 VIEWS! I feel loved :D Thank you to everyone who has followed, favorited, and reviewed along the way. I want to give a special shout out once again to Akirak! I'll try to update soon, I promise!**


	10. The Pond

**Disclaimer- Not mine blah blah blah, wish it was blah blah blah.**

**Warning- extreme fluff warning! Fluff fluff fluff fluff fluff fluff fluff**

**So, you want to know something funny? I had every intention of actually making this a short chapter. I had 4 hours of sleep last night and no nap today, so that would lead one to believe I should be tired right? WRONG! I looked at my computer and noticed 2 things. 1) This "short" chapter is 2000 words long... 2) Its midnight and I am finally finishing this chapter.**

**SO MUCH FOR SLEEP! Anyway, enjoy this new, "short" chapter in 'Kaoru's Struggle'!**

**BTW this chapter takes place the SAME DAY as ch 9 but right after the club.**

**Kaoru's P.O.V.-**

I went home after the Host Club ended alone. Haruhi made Hikaru stay behind to talk about something important apparently. Hikaru looked pained to have to stay with Haruhi, but I feel like I don't know anything about their relationship anymore.

I was doing some homework in my room for about an hour when a small knock came from my door, almost too soft to hear.

"Kaoru" Hikaru's voice was quiet, almost hesitant. Like he didn't want me to answer.

To say I was shocked that my brother sought me out in my room would be an understatement. Even though he has been acknowledging my presence more often than before, he has _never_ sought me out in my room.

"It's ok Hikaru, you can come in." The sight that met my eyes when he walked in was a surprising one to say the least.

Hikaru had clearly been crying if his red, swollen eyes were anything to go by. His left cheek was red, almost like he had been slapped. Tear tracks are still staining his face.

I'm up immediately and heading towards the door before he can say anything to me. I stand an arms length away from my brother and regard him with worry heavily lacing my voice.

"What happened Hikaru? Why are you so upset? Where is Haruhi?"

I bombard my twin with too many questions and the fear I see in his eyes is steadily rising. He looks like he is going to bolt any minute.

"I... ah, sorry Kaoru... You were busy... and I, uh, I shouldn't have disturbed you. I'm... gonna... um, I'm gonna go. Sorry" Hikaru turned to run but I couldn't let him leave like that so I did the first thing that came to my mind.

I reached for him before he could leave and somehow managed to grab his hand as he turned away. As soon as our hands touched, an electric jolt ran from our connecting skin throughout my body, sending a shiver down my spine and making my breath a little bit shallower.

I let go like I had been shocked, which I guess I had been, and risked a glance at my twin, seeing if he had felt what I had felt. I was speechless when I saw a faint blush across my brothers cheeks and slightly dilated eyes, making him look almost... _hungry_.

"Um. Please come in Hikaru. We don't have to talk if you want but," I stumbled over what to say next to get him to stay with me, "But if you want, we can get you cleaned up a bit and take a walk around the pond."

Once I saw Hikaru smirk slightly at my suggestion, I knew that he would take me up on my offer. That pond was our favorite place to hang out at as children. It was on our property, still in view of the mansion, but far enough away that we can feel separate from it. We used to play for hours around the pond... back when it was simpler between us.

"I'd love to do that Kaoru. Can I just use your bathroom real fast before we head out? I want to change out of my uniform."

I nod and he makes his way to the bathroom, brushing against me to get by and another shiver racks through my body.

It takes him about 10 minutes to get out of my bathroom, but when he does, he looks refreshed and one hundred times calmer than when he first knocked on my door. We make our way to the pond in a comfortable silence, the first one we have shared in a long time.

After a few laps around the pond without either of us saying something we sat down at a bench that we had by the edge. I waited for Hikaru to say something, _anything_ really, but I was content to just being in his presence after so long. As I knew he would, Hikaru eventually started opening up.

"Haruhi dumped me today."

_Ok... that I was not expecting._

"Did she tell you why?"

"Well that's just it! She tells me that we aren't talking anymore and that I seem distant. Apparently she got sick of carrying the weight of our relationship on her shoulders and she said we were through."

"I'm sorry. Um... not to pry or anything, but it looked like you got slapped when you showed up earlier. If, ah... if she broke up with you why did she slap you?"

Hikaru grimaced slightly and touched his cheek where he was slapped.

"After she broke up with me... she asked me why I wasn't into our relationship anymore. I told her the truth... I," he glanced at me quickly before turning away, a small blush creeping up his face, "I said I didn't love her anymore... so she slapped me and left."

_He what? He doesn't love her anymore?! But... they were so happy. Wait. Something doesn't add up..._

"If you didn't love her... then why were you crying when you came home? If you don't have feelings for her, then it shouldn't have hurt you that much when she left."

"I don't want to talk about it."

"But _why?_ Why were you..."

"STOP ASKING ME!" Hikaru yelled with tears beginning to form in his eyes.

We sat in an uncomfortable silence after that as the sun began to set over the tree line. I was almost ready to leave when a small sob caught my attention. I turn to Hikaru ready to comfort him but he shrugs off my hand and looks me square in the eyes with tears now steadily falling down his face.

"Y-you really want t-to know why I was cr-cr-crying?" The sobs were making it harder for me to understand him, so he tries to compose himself before continuing. I can tell that he desperately want to cry but he pulls himself together to get the rest of his story out.

"I was crying because I realized that I never really lo-loved her. I thought I did and I ruined the one relationship that ment the most to me in the entire world. I singlehandedly destroyed the bond that we had over someone that... that I thought I loved more than you. She was the only one ever able to tell us apart and I mistook fascination with love. For that I will forever be sorry. I will never be able to forgive myself because I hurt you... I hurt you so deeply over the last few weeks. I know I hurt you more than you let on and I'm so sorry. I'm happy that Tamaki was there for you because... because I wasn't. I wish I was a better twin. You deserve a twin that accepts you for who you are and not ignore you for weeks. I'm sorry it took me so long to figure out that I am a horrible brother. I wish... I wish things could go back to the way things were but... but I know it's too late for that. I promise Kaoru, that no matter how long it takes, I will earn your respect and love again."

The tears had come back during his speech. I can honestly say that is the most I have ever heard Hikaru say at one time and I am touched by everything he has said. He has clearly thought a lot about this and I can tell his feelings are sincere.

"I believe you Hikaru. I know you are sorry and that's something I never thought you would say to me. I wouldn't mind starting over if you don't."

We face each other and I offer Hikaru my hand. Gratitude flits across his features as he reaches for my hand. As our skin touches, that same spark of want shoots through my body and my gaze snaps to Hikaru's. His eyes are dilated and he has not released my hand yet.

The sun is setting and the orange glow is reflecting off of his face and hair, making his appear to glow. My gaze drops to his lips... his lips that look so red and puffy and... kissable.

I don't realize I'm staring until Hikaru licks his lips and coughs to get my attention. Our hands are still grasped in each others, and I have moved _much_ closer to Hikaru than is acceptable.

I stand up suddenly, trying to get any form of distance between my twin and I when my arm is suddenly pulled and- _oh!_

**Hikaru's P.O.V.-**

Ask me why I did it and I will never know, but Kaoru was going to leave and I couldn't let that happen so I... I kissed him.

Well... not really _kissed._ More like I _am kissing_ him, ravaging his mouth with my own trying to push down these feelings that have been awakened in me and failing miserably.

The first thing I notice when our lips meet is _warmth._ Kaoru's mouth is warm and soft... opening instantly to my ministration. Our tongues meet and jolts of pleasure rack through my body. I grab the sides of his head and force our kiss to deepen. Kaoru's are staying limply by his side, and that fact makes me want to make him loose his control. I want him tearing at my clothes, grabbing my body, desperate for more contact.

I want him.

I break our lips apart because it was becoming increasingly difficult to breathe. I didn't want to let up though, so I continued down his jaw and neck until I found his collarbone and began to kiss and suck on the skin there, leaving a lovely bruise. Kaoru is moaning in earnest right now and his sounds are making my pants increasingly tight.

His hands finally moved. I was so worried that they would push me away, that I was pleasantly surprised when they wrapped around my neck and Kaoru began to moan my name. The fact that I was doing this to Kaoru, my brother, my twin, never crossed my mind. All I could think about was him... and this love that I was feeling for him.

_This is where I should be. With Kaoru. In his arms. Forever._

**Wow! I am sooooo mean for leaving it like that but OH WELL! Cliffy!**

**Tune in next time to see how far this goes! Did Kaoru for get about Tamaki? (Don't worry, I didn't ;D) Does Tamaki get thrown to the side like last weeks cassarol? Does Haruhi have any surprises for anyone? WILL WE EVER FIND OUT WHAT HAPPENED TO MORI AND HUNNY?!**

**The answer is I will answer all of these questions eventually! I hope you enjoyed this latest chapter!**


	11. The Day After

**Disclaimer- Still not mine. This makes me sad! *Tears***

**OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG! I AM SOOOOOOOO SORRY! College sucks! I am getting crushed with work and I feel swamped and tired! I cant believe I just left you all hanging like that! Bad me!**

**I know where I want to go with this story but I don't want it to seem rushed. The problem with that is I am probably dragging it out too much now... Ugh! By the way, just because our two favorite boys kissed does not mean they are immediately getting together. Hikaru put Kaoru through a lot of shit (my fault, I know ;) ) and he is not going to replace Tamaki right away.**

**Trust me... there will be more angst! Yaaaaaaay angst!**

**Warning- M/M in this part, not all the way but there is still M/M sexual acts. Don't like? Then why the **_**fuck**_** are you reading this fanfic?**

**Kaoru's P.O.V.-**

_Shit! I can't believe I kissed Hikaru last night! What am I going to tell Tamaki? I need to tell him... If he finds out from anyone else... I don't want to hurt him like that._

After Hikaru and I had our intense make out session last night, I knew I had to set things straight with him. No matter how much I still love him... I can't hurt Tamaki like this.

***FLASHBACK***

My arms go around the back of his neck as his tongue is thrusting into my mouth, coaxing my tongue into a filthy dance. I can't think, I can barely breathe. I can feel though, and all I can feel is Hikaru's warmth penetrating my clothes.

I know I need to stop what we are doing but I have wanted Hikaru for so long that I can't seem to help myself. I'm drawn to him like a moth to a flame.

One of Hikaru's hands finds its way to may hair while the other goes to the small of my back. Our kiss is getting rougher and I am quickly losing the ability to breathe. His tongue is massaging the inside of my mouth and I'm losing myself in the pleasure of our kiss. My knees weaken and Hikaru is practically holding me up at this point.

"Young Masters! Dinner is ready!"

We pull apart quickly, and to my delight I notice a strand of saliva on my twins lip that he absentmindedly licked away.

We turn towards the approaching twin maids at the same time, trying to calm our ragged breathing.

"Young masters, we have been looking everywhere for you. Dinner is ready and being served as we speak. You must head back now."

A quick glance at Hikaru and I feel myself blushing anew, just remembering the feel of his lips on mine, his tongue dominating my mouth... his hands...

_Ok! Stop brain, time to go!_

I risk one more glance at Hikaru and all but run into the mansion just wanting any space between me and my twin.

***END FLASHBACK***

_I cant believe I did that! I cheated on Tamaki with my twin... who I guess no longer finds the idea of being with a man repulsive if that kiss was anything to go by... I cant even being to understand Hikaru and all the mixed signals he gives me._

I'm pacing around my room waiting for the car to show up so Hikaru and I can head to school.

_Speaking of Hikaru, I haven't seen him since dinner last night... well, that was my fault, BUT STILL! How am I supposed to act around him!?_

After a quiet and very awkward dinner with Hikaru I locked myself in my room for the rest of the night, refusing to see anyone while I tried to sort out my feelings for my twin. I was happy that he tried to talk to me for a while. Granted, he did grow tired of trying to talk through a door.

He said we needed to talk about the kiss and that there was no way he was having this conversation through a door, and that when I was ready I could find him.

Needless to say, last night did not provide me with much sleep.

I am pulled from my thoughts when one of our maids knocked on my door to inform me that the car had arrived. I thanked her and left my room only to come face to face with Hikaru, almost bumping right into him. I take a big step back, but not before smelling his shampoo and the smell that is distinctly Hikaru.

He opens his mouth to speak, probably to talk about the kiss, but I am in no mood to talk about that _event_ this morning.

"Don't say anything," Hikaru's mouth closes instantly. "I do not want to talk about what happened last night right now. I love you Hikaru, but you had no right to kiss me when I am in a relationship with Tamaki. I feel terrible knowing that I have to tell Tamaki about our kiss... This is going to crush him. And I will NOT come crawling into your arms just because you finally realize your feelings for me. You hurt me for _weeks_ with your attitude towards me and that can not be forgotten by one simple (_However mindblowing)_ kiss!"

As my rant came to a close I noticed most of the color left Hikaru's face and that the light had gone out in his eyes. He took a deep breath before he addressed me.

"I know Kaoru. I know that I am a selfish, spinless, terrible excuse for a twin... but I love... promise..." He took another calming breath before continuing. "I promise, that I will earn your love."

And with that, Hikaru turned and started walking towards the stairs to get to the car. I stood there stunned for a moment, just remembering the sheer look of determination in his eyes as he proclaimed his love and intentions towards me. I shook my head as though I was trying to clear it and followed my brother towards the car.

**Tamaki's P.O.V.-**

Something was wrong with Kaoru... and I know it had something to do with Hikaru.

Kaoru had been avoiding me the entire day. Every time I caught his eye he would get a terrified... and guilty... look in his eyes and run away. I don't know why he looks guilty and I can't for the life of me begin to guess what could have happened yesterday that could make him avoid me today. We were getting along really well...

I turn to look down the hallway to find Hikaru glaring at me... but that isn't really different from how he normally looks at me. Good to know some things haven't changed.

_If Kaoru thinks he can avoid me forever he is going to find out that he is sadly mistaken. I am going to find out what is wrong with him._

**Hikaru's P.O.V.-**

Somehow I have managed to avoid Tamaki all day, now all I need to do is make it through the club and I have survived the first day with this soul-eating guilt gnawing away at my insides.

_God... that's a depressing thought._

My companion stops her conversation suddenly and looks over my shoulder at our intruder. I turn knowing exactly who is standing behind me.

_Seems you cant hide forever..._

"Why hello Tamaki! How are you doing since we last saw each other yesterday?" Rima asks with a smile on her face.

"Hello Rima, I am doing fine thanks for asking. I was wondering if you would allow me to steal Kaoru away for a short while?" Before Rima can respond, I address Tamaki.

"Now is not the best time Tamaki. We can talk after the club is over." Tamaki gives me a skeptical look but I press on. "I promise Tamaki. We need to talk later but now is not a good time, so if you will excuse me I have a guest to entertain." With that I turn towards Rima and refuse to look back. My shoulders finally relax when his shadow no longer hovers over me.

Rima is looking at me calculatedly, as if she was trying to read my mind. I turn my head and blush at her intense scrutiny, hoping that she will simply let the matter drop... but this is Rima we're talking about, and she will never let this rest.

"So who did you cheat on Tamaki with?"

Her blunt question has me choking on my tea which I had unfortunately picked up to distract myself from her gaze. I end up gasping for air with a terrified look on my face as I look at Rima.

_OH MY GOD! If Rima can tell that I cheated, then Tamaki must know as well! I'm screwed! I can't believe that I was that transparent that she could look at one interaction between me and Tamaki and just KNOW! OH MY GOD! Kill me!_

I am snapped out of my self loathing by a slap on the face from Rima.

"Babe, calm down! You started hyperventilating and wheezing and I was getting freaked out."

I take a few more minutes to compose myself before I can even consider talking.

"Thanks for that. I just cant believe that it is so easy to tell that I... cheated... on Tamaki."

"It's not that obvious to anyone that doesn't know you that well, but we have been hanging out a lot for the last week and I can pretty much read you like and open book."

I breathe a little easier knowing that the entire school isn't talking about me behind my back.

"So... who did you cheat with!? I need to know these things! I mean, first you got Hikaru jealous with Tamaki, now you are going to get both of them jealous with this new guy! So who is it!"

"Well... ummm Rima... the thing is uh... the thing is..." the rest of my sentence is too low even for my ears to pick up on.

"Kaoru, I can't hear you! Who is it! Who is the guy that's going to have to fight with Tamaki _and _Hikaru for your love?"

"IT'S NO ONE NEW!" My shout grabs the attention of almost everyone in the room but I blush and look away from the crowd at my puzzled friend.

"But... I don't get it. If it's no one new then..." If the situation wasn't so sickening for me then I might have laughed at how comically wide her eyes got when she finally connected the dots.

"You have got to be shitting me! IT"S HIKARU!?" I quickly jump up from my seat and put my hand over her mouth to stop her rant. I know that if Kyouya could see me now he would have my head for acting this way towards a customer, but I needed a quick way to shut her up before my secret is known by everyone.

"If you promise not to yell I will remove my hand and tell you everything."

The only response I got was a glare, but she looked like she wasn't going to yell anymore so I let her go and sat back down in my seat.

"You have five minutes to tell me everything," the 'if looks could kill' cliche described her glare perfectly. "Five minutes. Or else I go get Tamaki _and _Hikaru over here and we all figure this _dilemma_ out together."

I don't know if it was the look in her eyes, her tone of voice, or simply the guilt, but I quickly found myself telling her everything that happened after the Host Club ended yesterday. Rima sat in silence, listening intently to the retelling of what had happened the previous day. Her nostrils flared when I got to the part about the kiss with Hikaru but she remained silent until the end.

We sat there for who knows how long, me trying to calm myself from the resurfacing emotions, and Rima just digesting everything I had just told her. Finally she spoke.

"So... what are you going to do?"

"Honestly Rima, I have to tell Tamaki about what happened between Hikaru and I. Hopefully he wont react too negatively, I mean, he already knows about my feelings for Hikaru... unless Tamaki thinks Hikaru is just stringing me along. Hikaru was acting aggressively leading up to our kiss. Tamaki might try to look out for me... or he will turn his back on me and never talk to me again!"

Rima grabs my arm to stop my babbling.

"Ok, I said that wrong. I meant, if you can have either who would you choose?"

_I... I don't know... I know they both have a place in my heart... but I don't know who to give it too..._

**OH MY GOD! Let me just continue to say how sorry I am for ditching you all for such a long time! College is doing a really good job kicking my ass right now and I needed to stay on top of it. I promise that it will not take that long to update again but I will not be able to go back to the once a day thing like I had at the **_**very**_** beginning of this fanfic.**

**I hope that I have not turned any of my followers off by my long break! I promise I will keep it up!**

**Thanks to all who are reading my story and reviewing. It always makes my day a little brighter when someone reviews!**


	12. Heart to Heart

**Disclaimer: Not mine not mine not mine not mine**

**So due to my self loathing that I had left all of you hanging like that for a long time, I am going to reward you with ANOTHER CHAPTER! YAY! Its a bad sign though, when the author of a fanfic has let so much time pass that she needs to reread the entire story to remember where the hell she was going with it. So after 10 min of familiarizing myself with the story, I give you a new chapter!**

**ENJOY!**

**P.S. This chapter follows right where last one left off**

**Hikaru's P.O.V.- **

Kaoru is going to tell Tamaki what happened, I can tell. He has been avoiding Tamaki all day and its obvious that he is not happy with being ignored.

I'm sitting at my section alone, waiting for my next customer to show up. Ever since Haruhi and I split we obviously no longer took anyone together_,_ which Kyouya has loved pointing out hurts sales. He told me in not so many words that I had a week to patch things up with Kaoru or I would be getting a visit from his families police force...

Well... he actually told me I had three days but I managed to convince him to give me a week. The only way I could do that was to remind him that with... with Tamaki and Kaoru together, they were raking in a lot more cash for the club.

At the mention of the "happy couple" I noticed Kyouya's dark aura started to seep through as he stole a quick glance towards none other than the blond headed King before the mask came back on.

_Hmmm... maybe Kyouya might be useful if the need arises. I'm not stupid enough to bring it up now, but this information can come in handy later._

I'm pulled from my thoughts by movement out of the corner of my eye. I look up expecting my next customer but I only see Tamaki walking towards my twin with a determined look in his eye.

I watch their interaction with rapt attention, noting everything from body language to facial expressions. I really wish I was better at reading lips, but I can only work with what I have...

I can tell that whatever Kaoru said has not appeased Tamaki if the skeptical look he has is anything to go by. Kaoru presses on and I can tell that he is asking to meet up with Tamaki later, probably to spill the beans about what we did.

I watch Tamaki agree to the meeting and walk back towards his section, leaving Kaoru with his regular Rima. The two of them seem to settle into what appears to be a one sided talk with Rima pressing Kaoru for answers.

I take this momentary calm to survey the room. Hunny and Mori are sitting at their table with three girls, eating cakes while Hunny sits there living up to his boy-lolita reputation. I notice Haruhi still throws some glares my way while she entertains her customers, but we no longer talk to each other unless it is for Club business. Kyouya is standing by the wall, eyes fixated on the clipboard that seems to be permanently glued to his hands. Occasionally he glances across the room at a certain blond King, whose own attention is fixated upon the new object of my desire...

"IT'S HIKARU!?"

Hearing my name shouted and muffled in quick succession has me turning in the direction that I heard the shout coming from. I didn't recognize the voice that shouted my name, however... seeing Kaoru with his hand firmly over Rima's mouth is telling me that she probably yelled it.

_I guess he's needed someone to talk to these last couple weeks since I haven't exactly been making his life easy._

Due to their hushed tones I knew I wasn't going to get anything more from their conversation. Suddenly I got an idea, forcing me to jump up from my seat and begin making my way towards my target.

"Kyouya. We need to talk."

**** Later that afternoon ****

**Kaoru's P.O.V.-**

It's after club activities and everyone has gone back to their mansions... well, everyone except Tamaki and I.

An awkward silence has fallen between us, neither of us having the courage to break it. I know Tamaki just wants to know why I have been acting weird today... but the guilt of what I did, _and what I feel,_ is eating me alive.

"Kaoru..." Tamaki's voice is quiet and gentle with a hint of underlying apprehension, "If you are going to break up with me... can you at least tell me what I did wrong to make you hate me?"

His question felt like a slap in the face.

_How could he think I want to break up with him? He has been amazing! Without him... I doubt I would have made it through the whole Hikaru ordeal._

I know I need to put his mind at rest... but I know what I am about to tell him is going to be any better than what he is already thinking.

"I don't want to break up with you, you're amazing... but after what I tell you... once I tell you what I need to tell you... You're the one who is going to want to break up with me." Tamaki looked confused at my last statement.

"What are you talking about? We were fine yesterday, what happened last night that you think I am going to break up with you?"

Here it is... the moment where the last good thing in my life leaves. I guess I could just tell him the whole story so I wont have to repeat myself.

"Last night I was in my room when Hikaru showed up crying, saying that Haruhi broke up with him." I pause, trying to come up with the best way to continue the story. However, Tamaki is quick to grow restless.

"What does them breaking up have to do with your mood today?"

"I wanted to comfort Hika... even though I'm in a relationship with you..."

"You still love him..." Tamaki sounded so broken at that moment that I just wanted to reach out and comfort him, but I knew that would be inappropriate until we had this sorted out.

"Anyway," I take a deep breath before continuing, "We decided to take a walk around the pond behind the mansion and... and..."

I decided to just rip the band aid off at once

"And we kissed."

The quiet that followed was deafening. Our breathing was the only sound that could be heard. Tamaki was just staring at the ground, refusing to meet my eye. I wasn't going to force him into telling me what he was thinking, I mean... I did drop a pretty big bombshell on him.

"So you are here to break up with me..."

"What?"

Tamaki finally looked up, and the anger that met my eyes was frightening. His voice when he addressed me was hard and cold.

"You finally got what you wanted didn't you?! You were just stringing me along to get him jealous right?! You didn't care that I might have real feelings towards you! You only cared about Hikaru. Hikaru Hikaru Hikaru!" Tamaki is practically yelling at me, but what he is saying is causing me to grow defensive.

"Wait a damn minute! You _knew_ that I loved Hikaru! You said you knew on our first date and that you were ok with whatever I could give you! Don't you _dare_ act like I was stringing you along!"

I was furious by this point. I knew something like this would happen if I told him... but for him to discredit everything we had shared! I know we weren't together that long... but his words cut me deep. I was heading towards the door, heading away from Tamaki and the cold eyes that I knew would meet my gaze if I bothered to look back.

I was at the door ready to storm out, I could tell that Tamaki hadn't followed me... hadn't tried to make me stay so we could try and sort this out.

Just before I walked out the door, I stoped to address Tamaki one last time. My voice when I spoke was just loud enough for him to hear.

"And here I was... thinking I could fall in love with you."

With that I walked out the door, into my own personal hell.

**OOOOOOO! CLIFFY! So this chapter was going to be like, 5 times longer cause I know where I want this story to go, but this seemed like a good place to stop! I am really excited to hear some reactions to this chapter!**

**Who will win the battle for Kaoru's heart? What does Hikaru need from Kyouya? Who was happy to see Mori and Hunny!? Personally I was, but that could just be me. :D**

**Thanks for reading and I will post another chapter soon!**


	13. Talking It Out

**Disclaimer: I have successfully kidnapped Kaoru and I am holding him hostage in my room. I have promised to feed him and provide him with the necessities, therefor he is now mine.**

**I am so psyched about where my story is going that I just want to keep writing. I want to dedicate this chapter to Akirak for her never ending support for this story, and For My Personal Pleasure for a great review on my last chapter! Thanks to all of you who have decided to stick with my story so far.**

**Now, without further ado, Chapter 13!**

**Kaoru's P.O.V.-**

Darkness envelops my room as night quickly approaches. I never bothered to turn the lights on when I got back from the club. It's not even 8 o'clock, but as soon as I got back from my fight with Tamaki I threw myself on my bed, praying for the darkness to take me.

******FLASHBACK******

Just before I walked out the door, I stoped to address Tamaki one last time. When I spoke, my voice was just loud enough for him to hear.

"And here I was... thinking I could fall in love with you."

With that I walked out the door, into my own personal hell.

As soon as I shut the door to the club room the tears started to flow. I called the driver to come and pick me up, seeing as Hikaru took the limo home first. Luckily, the driver was smart enough not to comment on my tears as he drove me home

As soon as I entered the house I bolted for my room. I was just about to shut myself in my room when I noticed Hikaru's room across the hall. The door was open and lights were out, meaning he wasn't in his room... but he wasn't anywhere else in the mansion he would go to right after school. He always went to his room...

_Where is he? More importantly, who is he with? Wait! Stop that right now... he's not mine to control so he doesn't need to tell me where he's going._

_Is he with Haruhi?_

I couldn't stop that last thought popping into my head even if I wanted to. I know they broke up and I know he said that he wanted me, but maybe our kiss freaked him out more than I thought. Maybe he went back to her.

All these dark thoughts on top of the fight I had with Tamaki made the gut wrenching sobs come full force as I slammed my door shut, effectively cutting me off from the outside world.

******END FLASHBACK******

A knock on my door pulls me out of my thoughts.

"Master Kaoru, Master Tamaki is here to see you. He says it is urgent and he wont leave until you see him."

_Ugh. He hasn't yelled at me enough today?_

"You can let him in," I try to pull myself together before he can see the state I'm in.

"Kaoru, why are the lights off?"

"NO WAIT!"

Too late. He flicks the lights on and light floods my room, allowing Tamaki to see the mess I am.

"Oh Kaoru." His voice is barely a whisper as he crosses the room in a heartbeat in order to comfort me. He pulls me into his embrace and eventually I stop fighting him and except the hug. I'm still crying, but the sobs that escaped my body earlier have finally stopped. Tamaki is trying to calm me with soothing words as one of his hands rub my back.

"Shhh Kaoru. Shhh... it's ok, let it out. It's ok... I'm right here."

Eventually I manage to calm down enough where he allows me to detangle from his body. He gently cups my face with both of his hands, and when I try to pull away he just pulls me closer and plants a chaste kiss on my lips.

"I'm not mad at you Kaoru. I'm sorry for the way I acted earlier, it wasn't your fault."

I could only stare blankly at his face, trying to comprehend what he just told me.

_Not mad? Not MAD!? Was he not there for the shouting match we had earlier? _

"I was mad because you got to be with the one you love, if only for a few moments. I... You were honest with me about your feelings towards Hikaru and I feel it's only fair that I am honest with you."

_Is there someone else that Tamaki likes? And I didn't know! Who could have grabbed Tamaki's attention?_

"Kaoru... I, uh... I..."

"What was that Tamaki? You started mumbling."

Tamaki took a deep breath.

"I am in love with Kyouya."

_Huh?_

"You are in love with Kyouya... yet started a relationship with me. And you accused _me_ of using you? Wow, ok. Hypocrite much?"

"Listen Kaoru, I had no right to get mad at you earlier, but when you said that you got to kiss Hikaru... I just snapped. I mean, Hikaru was a total dick to you but now you know that he was just like that to cover up his feelings towards you. I'm not saying that acceptable, but he now returns your feelings. Kyouya picked work over me, hell he puts everything over me. I know I annoy him, and I know that it is pointless to hope that he might start paying attention to me. And then I saw you. I saw the same pain in your eyes when you looked at Hikaru that I felt every time I looked at Kyouya, so I decided that we could pine away together."

I scoff at the absurdity of his plan.

"I know that it was a stupid plan, but the more I hung out with you, the more I wanted to fall in love with you. I wanted to let go of my feelings towards Kyouya because I knew that you would never hurt me... but you have Hikaru now, and I glad that one of us at least get the guy we want."

Tamaki turned to start walking out the door when I finally spoke up.

"So you're dumping me?"

Tamaki whipped around so fast that I chuckled at his comical face.

"But I... but you? I thought... Hikaru?"

I laughed as he continued to babble, trying to find the right words to piece together any sentence.

"Yes, Hikaru and I kissed. Yes, I still love him. But he also hurt me a lot with his actions these last few weeks. _You_ on the other hand, never hurt me. I know that you have feelings for Kyouya and you know I have feelings for Hikaru. I also know that my feelings towards you are growing, and I hope your feelings are growing for me... How about we just hang out as friends and see where it takes us. And as for Kyouya, don't give up on him."

Tamaki blushes at my last comment but agrees to just being friends. I do want my feelings to grow for Tamaki, but at the same time I want Hikaru to come in and try to sweep me off my feet. I'm happy that Tamaki and I have cleared the air.

"Well Tamaki, in order to start off this new/old friendship, how about we go out and catch a movie?"

"After you, mon amour" Tamaki replied with a wink as we left the house hand in hand.

**Hikaru's P.O.V.-**

"Kyouya, we need to talk."

"What is it Hikaru?"

"I think that we have some things to discuss and I think it would be better if we went to your place after club activities."

"Nonsense. Say it now or go back to your station where you are _supposed _to be," Kyouya's eyes gleamed dangerously as he addressed me.

"Alright. Lets talk about your feelings towards Tamaki."

His dark aura practically exploded out of his body at the mention of his feelings. The eyes that regarded me now should have been frightening, but I would do anything to get Kaoru back... even if that means pissing off the Shadow King.

"You will not mention that again in this room," Kyouya was seething, "You will come to my place after club activities and we will discuss how ridiculous your statement was. You can leave now."

With that, I got up and walked back to where my customer finally sat.

_He may say that I was ridiculous, but if it was I wouldn't be going to his place after the Club. I know his feelings, and he _will_ help._

*****Later at Otori Residence*****

Kyouya and I are sitting in his room, with a slightly awkward silence between us. I know what I want to discuss with him... but now that I am here, the words wont come. It is about 10 minutes before I gather the courage to speak.

"I'm in love with Kaoru."

The statement caught Kyouya off guard but he quickly composed himself before answering.

"So? What does that have to do with me and that ridiculous thought you had earlier?"

"Kyouya, you can try to hide all you want but I _know_ that you at least feel something more than friendship towards Tamaki. I see it in your reactions and your eyes. You care about him."

Kyouya was struggling. He knew that I was right but he also thinks that he needs to remain untouchable. I needed to break through that tough exterior... I needed a way to reach the man underneath. Something caught my attention in his eyes. A fleeting look, it passed by so quickly that I almost wasn't sure I saw it.

"Have you guys already acted on your mutual attraction?"

I watched Kyouya blush at my question.

Wait... blush?

_Kyouya_ blushed?

_KYOUYA BLUSHED!?_

It was a shot in the dark... but... It paid off!

"Oh my god! Have you guys fucked?" That earned me a glare from him.

"_No_ we haven't 'fucked' as you so crudely put it... but yeah, we dated for a few weeks..."

"Wow. You guys are great at being discreet. I should have guessed something was going on between you two when the 'mommy/daddy' thing popped up. Why did you guys break up? Do you still love him?" I needed to know the answers so I could gadge how far he would go to help me.

"I don't know why we broke up. I thought we were going strong until one day when Tamaki just said he couldn't do it anymore and broke up with me."

I could tell that recalling the breakup was getting to him. Even though he wasn't crying, his eyes were starting to look a little misty.

"As for your second question Hikaru... yes. Yes, I still love him. I would do anything to try and fix what happened between us."

_Well that answers that question_

"But I guess it can't happen... I'm to late."

"What? Why would you say that? You can still get him back!"

"Hikaru, Tamaki is in a relationship with your twin. I am not going to interfere in their relationship just for selfish desires. Besides, I doubt he still wants to be with me."

"What if I told you that I can find out if he still wants you. Would you help then? If we know that Tamaki and Kaoru will be happier with us rather than each other, shouldn't we help them?"

Kyouya looked hesitant. I needed to just push him a little more and I knew I would get him.

"Don't you want Tamaki back?" I asked quietly, almost innocently, even though I was feeling anything other than that.

Kyouya's determined eyes met mine, his jaw set.

"What did you have in mind?"

_Checkmate._

**Wow! Another fun chapter guys! Yes I aware that Hikaru is being very selfish at the end of this chapter with that whole "shouldn't we help them" speech but if he wasn't being selfish, then he wouldn't be the Hikaru that we have a love/hate relationship with :)**

**What does Hikaru have in mind? How does Hikaru plan on finding out Tamaki's feelings? Who will win the battle over Kaoru's heart? Does Haruhi have a surprise to share with the club? Find out whenever I choose to post the next chapter!**

**P.S. not all of the questions above will be answered in the next chapter, but some will ;)**


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